Good day, or why they stopped making the shampoo I like

Today was a great day, even though the greatness of the day is based on only one thing. It was a big life changing thing. I officially got into college (again), and not just any crappy old college, but a respected and thoroughly
Hip college. That's right , I am now a student at The New York University. I thank you in advance for congratulations. It really makes me feel for the first time in a long time like I am on track for something greater than a dullard's life of mediocrity.
I was originally going to blog about one of life's most intolerably atrocious inconveniences, and now that I have told you the good news. I will in fact complete my statement on the injustice of the week.
Why do companies continue to get me hooked on some incredible products to the point where no substitute will do, only to discontinue it the second I can no longer be comfortable using anything else. My first example is the Bic softfeel black ink medium tip rollerball clicky pen. It was the finest example of the disposable pen genré ever produced. I know I will hear from some of you fact fascists out there that they weren't discontinued, but merely redesigned. Yes that is true, but that redesign was so complete that it barely resembles the clicky pen of my youth. R.I.P. Bic softfeel medium point rollerball clicky pen, you truly were the king of all disposable pens. And do you think that is the only example? Well hell no the list is myriad. The next example is fresca in the 2 liter bottle. If ever there was a beverage worthy of the appellation invigorating, fresca was it. Poured over some ice, cold from the fridge, or mixed with tequila, it was perfect. Listen I know fresca is still available in cans, and in some markets in a 1.5 liter bottle, but ambrosia that sweet and inspirationally delicious is just too majestic to be cooped up in these tiny abominations. Why would the Coca-Cola company be so brazen in their disregard to my beverage preferences? Finally we come to the causus belli of my dismay. Yesterday I went to my local Bath&Bodyworks (you can be manly and patronize that store, so shut up Michelle) to procure my favorite bodywash which I had run out of. Well when I got there they were having a big sale. I was stoked, I confidently strode in and looked around but there was far too much froofy stuff in the shop and I was beginning to feel a little overwhelmed. I found the straightest gay man working there and asked him "I am looking for Juniper Breeze body wash, where is it?" his response nearly knocked me over. He said they only had that in bodysplash BODYSPLASH! What the fuck is bodysplash. There is no fucking way I am going that far down the girly man trail. Then he recommended Aloe Mint bodywash, and offered to let me smell it. At this point my mind had turned into an enraged, and yet emasculated ball of mush so I put the bottle up to my nose and gave a gentle squeeze so I could try a whiff of this possible new bodywash. Can you guess what happened next? This charming little hygiene product turned into Mt. Shampoovius. All over my nose and hands. Thank God (mom that one's for you) they had a sink in the middle of the store, though I never washed my face in front of an audience before I was covered with this goo, and it had to be done. Well after that I couldn't shop at that store. So I went to target and got some crappy melon cucumber trite, that will temporarily keep me clean until I can find a more permanent solution. Can you believe the injustice in this world, and the worst part is no matter how powerful you get in this life there is just no preventing that sort of thing.

Sent via wireless device from the east side.