Assy 2000

It's too good to be true. I would have gone through my whole life and not have known something like this could exist, but it does. It really and truly exists. Yesterday I was in the pharmacy and there it was behind the counter, a beacon of the ridiculous. Like the Colossus in the mouth of the harbor of Rhodes, a monument to the absurd so immense it cannot be fathomed. One might conjecture that a company would read the name of their produce aloud before releasing it to the market. Alas my friends the makers of the product Assy 2000 paid no heed to the hilarity of the name of their personal care product, they are the kind of person that says definitions be damned. Good for them,if I one day decide to make a hand cream called Suckwad ultracare I will have the Assy company to thank as my inspiration. It's so sad that it has such an awesome name, but at the same time, I hope I never have an opportunity to buy it. Man I just can't catch a break.

Dedicated to the memory of my friend Jesse