Umbrellas

I have despised and feared umbrellas for years, I viewed them as unnecessary and dangerous. I am a little over 5'9", mere millimeters taller than the average American male. The average American female stands just under 5'4". Now my eyes are about 5' and seven inches off the ground that is the identical height that the pointy ends of an erect umbrella's ribs are when held by your typical American lady. So you can imagine that Everytime it rains it was just an opportunity to make a Micah's eye kebob. Plus growing up in a suburban environment umbrellas are hardly necessary as you jump from your car to the store. I loathed umbrellas, I recoiled from their very presence, that is until tonight. Some where in the last year of urban living I acquired a small umbrella. As I contemplated the statistical chances I would be caught out in the rain at some point I came to accept the evil necessity of owing the this wretched accessory. When my Aunt Floie offered me and umbrella I reluctantly accepted. It was a small all black affair except for one gray panel with the name of the Claridge Casino and Hotel embroidered in cursive on that gray panel. It was small and black (a color the New Yorkers love, which is a detriment to their culture) and fit nicely in my city bag so I hung it on the door of my closet waiting for a time when I might be so desperate for rain protection that I would break down and us the vile thing. Well that time was today, as I left the house the forecast claimed a driving rain but outside it was clear and sunny. I shoved the umbrella in my bag and off I went. Well it started raining, and raining hard, I whipped out the umbrella, at first I was stymied in my attempt to deploy the fabric canopy, until I remembered THE BUTTON. With the button firmly depressed beneath my thick thumb a beautiful transformation took place, the ugly caterpillar spread its wings and became a butterfly, the umbrella opened and majestically and forcefully kept me dry. It was a little bit of a battle to keep the umbrella under control as it had become an airfoil in the light breeze but that is where my years of experience as an aviator came in handy, after a few minutes I had the thing under control . You would have never known it was my first time driving it. I can't say I am one hundred percent cured of my aversion umbrellas, but today there was a new détente in my relationship with umbrellas.

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